The Battle of Hastings Revisited – and this time we win!

Yes we were there. 950 years ago and last week too. This time we won!

The course of the battle has been changed. We have a winning tactic. It might take a while for the victory to be definite but the story has begun and once a story starts it is very difficult to stop it. – It is quite easy to change it of course. Stopping a story is a different matter altogether.

It didn’t quite happen this year, it might happen next year, it may take another 950 years, believe you me the sling shot is slung and the ball is rolling.

Warning: for a true representation of what happened 950 years back you may wish to visit Jelling Dragon and buy the audio book Jorvik – York and the Vikings.

We won though!

It started with an argument. We are wondering now if it didn’t even happen. There was no battle. There was no Battle. There was no Battle before the battle and the battle happened in Battle. If you see where this is going.

Fact: There is no such thing as the Battle of Hastings (in my humble opinion). The battle took place at Battle. So perhaps it is the Battle of Battle. If, however, there was no such place as Battle before the battle, maybe it didn’t happen there either. If Battle was named after the battle, perhaps battles are named after Battle. So either all battles happened because of Battle or it could even be renamed ‘The battle over Battle’. (You can see how this discussion lasted a few hours, but to summarise.). If Battle is only Battle because of the battle and the battle is only a battle because it was in Battle they kind of rule each other out and it should actually, technically, be called “                “.

And so it was from this silliness that the course of history was changed. An idea was born. A plan of great bravado was suggested. With a ‘brave heart’ we would find allies among the enemy. This was the plan.

(“We call upon the descendants of Ragnar and Ganger Hrolfr to remember who they are! Let those of the ancient Germanic tribes unite again as should be.”)

It works, we are sure.

They will join us.

We will all be pals.

The war will be over. Next year…

Nothing. Yes we would do it.

“If I can have your attention please.”We had a little trouble with delivery.“You might like to hear what we have to say.”

“You are on our side.”

We needed to rethink. Be briefer. “Ragnar” “And Ganger Hrolfr.” “Remember them.” It was too noisy. It didn’t happen.

Our plans had been heard however.

It will happen. Maybe next year. Maybe later.

Or in another 950 years.

Because that is the power of story. And in a way…

It did.

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