Viking Saga in a Nutshell – As performed at Gudvangen Viking Market 2017

Viking Saga in a Nutshell – As performed at Gudvangen Viking Market 2017

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See ‘how to’ at the bottom for ways to turn these shortened sagas into performances

Sigurd the Warrior038 sig sword up

The warrior thrust his sword – into his scabbard034 sig sword

Mounted his mighty horse – and rode through the night035 sig horse

And the next day009 rode all night

And the next night008 ride all night

Ahead was an enormous mountain036 mountains

In the mountain was a huge cave037 cave

He leapt from his horse – and strode in038 sig sword up

Up a long high tunnel084 up tunl

Towards an enormous cave087 to enor cave

In the cave was an enormous heap of gold010 pile of gold

Upon the gold was an enormous dragon007 dragon on pile

“Roar”039 dragon

He crouched in fear, “I cannot kill this thing!”089 crouch fear.jpg

Two birds landed on his shoulders and whispered,013 two raven

“Dig a hole” “What with?”090 dig what.jpg

“Dig with your sword.” “Why?”092 with sword.jpg

“Just dig, dig, and leap in!”094 leap in.jpg

The great monster awakes039 dragon

Sigurd the warrior crouches down with his sword012 wait in hole

The monstrous dragon flies out through the tunnel095 d flies out.jpg

Sigurd stabs, stabs, urg, hu, arg, p,dumph096 s stabs

The dragon bites, RRRRaphnth!011 dragon head

Sigurd slices, “Hahahahahahaha!”097 haha 01.jpg

“Hahahahahahaha!”098 haha 02

 

 

Sigurd Awakens Brinhild

Sigurd the warrior raised his sword034 sig sword

He sliced right through the dragon’s neck025 neck slice

And from its claw he took the cursed gold ring026 ring

“I will go and seek my fortune”099 seeks.jpg

“Hang on, I already have a fortune”010 pile of gold

He filled his saddlebags with dragon’s gold028 sadlebag

He rode away on his horse which was afraid of nothing – nothing030 sig rides

Nothing076 man horse 01 flipped

Forests, swamps, mountains029 terrain types

Upon a far mountain is a tall tower0100 on mount.jpg

Surrounded by flames0101 in flames.jpg

The horse leaps0102 leaps.jpg

Through the air024 sig leaps

Through the flames031 sig through flame

Sigurd dismounts inside the tower0103 dismounts.jpg

Laid asleep upon a stone bed is…0104 asleep.jpg

The most beautiful woman he has ever seen0105 most beaut.jpg

She was unclothed027 sleeps

He took her in his arms0106 in arms

He kissed her0107 kiss.jpg

She awoke, “I love you”0108 awake

“I love you too – will you marry me?”0109 will you.jpg

He put the ring upon her finger0110 ring on

The cursed ring026 ring

That is just the beginning of a story – where0111 beginning of.jpg

Everybody dies0112 ev dies 01.jpg

 

For the Love of Freyja – and the Walls of Asgard

The big boss god of all the Viking gods?054 god war flipped

OOOOOOOOOOOdin047 odin 01

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOdin048 odin 01 flipped

His city was in ruins049 asgard

Ruins050 asgard flipped

Along came a handsome stranger044 h stranger

“I will build the walls of your city for you”045 h stranger flipped

“And all I want in return is…”078 hs 02

“The sun, the moon and the beautiful lady Freyja as my wife oooooo”0114 str the sun.jpg

“Everybody all at once” “The sun, the moon and the beautiful lady Freyja as my wife oooooo”0120 sun 04.jpg

Odin said, “You want what!”069 odin 02 flipped

“Everybody all at once” “The sun, the moon and the beautiful lady Freyja as my wife oooooo”0115 ev the sun group 01.jpg

That is a lot, I will ask Loki070 odin loki heads

“What does he want paying?”057 loki 01

“Everybody all at once” “The sun, the moon and the beautiful lady Freyja as his wife oooooo”055 odin and loki 01

“Only if he can get it done in less than half a year”059 half a year

Odin told the stranger…068 odin 02

“But will you still pay me “Everybody all at once” “The sun, the moon and the beautiful lady Freyja as my wife oooooo”0116 sun 01.jpg

“And can my horse help?”046 hs and horse

“Hahaha what good is a horse? It was a magical horse060 horse mountain 01

It flew down and picked up a mountain061 horse mountain fly

The stranger used it as a brick065 hs brick 01

It flew down and picked up a mountain062 horse mountain fly flipped

The stranger used it you get the idea066 horse to hs brick

He will get it down in time and then we will have to pay him067 hs brick to wall

“Everybody all at once” “The sun, the moon and the beautiful lady Freyja as his wife oooooo”0118 sun 02

Loki turned into a beautiful lady horse brrrrrrr071 loki turns horse072 lady horse 01

The stallion followed her075 man horse 01074 lady horse 02

Into the magical woods077 into magic wood

Now the stranger wouldn’t get the job done in time and he wouldn’t get paid…078 hs 02.jpg

“Everybody all at once” “The sun, the moon and the beautiful lady Freyja as his wife oooooo”0119 sun 03

He threw off his handsome disguise and became the rock giant he really was079 off to biff

He went to biff Odin0121 goes to biff.jpg

But Odin biffed him080 odin to biff

He biffed him so hard he flew all the way back to the land of the giants081 biffs giant

The walls were nearly finished and Odin didn’t have to pay…0122 nearly wall.jpg

“Everybody all at once” “The sun, the moon and the beautiful lady Freyja as his wife oooooo”0123 ev group flipped.jpg

 

Loki

The god of mischief058 loki 01 flipped

Trickery0124 trickery.jpg

Cruelty0125 cruelty

“When the goddess awakes see how she screams”0126 she screams.jpg

Loki laughs “hehehehe”0127 l laughs 01.jpg

“Hehehehehe”0129 l laughs 02.jpg

He is also a shape changer god0130 shape change.jpg

(say to the cast,) “Say the names of four random creatures or things”0131 creatures.jpg

The gods had had enough of him056 odin and loki 01 flipped

They threw away his children0132 throw ch

The giant snake they threw into the sea, “Roar, sploosh”0133 throw snake 01.jpg0134 throw snake 02.jpg

The monster wolf into the ground “hoooooowl”0135 wolf in

His putrid, rotten daughter down to the underworld016 hel falls

Scream!014 hel

Burning poison was dripped on Loki’s face0136 poison face.jpg

“All scream together!”0137 all scream.jpg

“See my daughter fly her ship of the dead”0138 her ship

“And we will kill you all!”0139 kill all.jpg

“Hahahahahaha” –0142 haha 01 “Haha”0143 haha 02.jpg

That is the end of Loki’s story, in which…0140 l dies

[Say to the cast] (“All say together, “Everybody dies” on the count of three.) 1 2 3 “Everybody dies!”0141 ev dies

 

 

Ragnarok

The end of the world, where everybody dies0151 end of world

Gods, Monsters, wolves and slaves0152 gods monsters etc

Everyone fights together until they die015 all fight

Did we mention everybody dies?0153 dd we ment

Because they do0154 cos do

The sea rises up and swallows the land033 yg wave

Lightning strikes the great tree032 yg lightning.jpg

The great tree falls,017 yg falls

eeeke, creeeeak, vrooooompht, budoumpht, budoumpht, budoumpht0155 eek.jpg

budoumpht0156 bdumpht

One branch019 yg twig

One branch remains standing free of the water019 yg twig

The bits of the old world gather around the branch018 yg

Two figures climb down to this new land020 lithr babe

Lith and Lithrasia0150 l and l

New life begins, cradled in their arms021 babe

The power of the old gods rises from the sea0157 old gods.jpg

The light of life and hope023 yg old gods.jpg

We raise up our arms in wonder and say, “aaaaaaah”022 l and l arms

 

 

Njord; the god of the sea

He leads us0158 he leads.jpg

Guides us0159 guides.jpg

Stare out to sea with him0160 stare

For under the sea is a terrible goddess0161 under is terrible g.jpg

Ran! She is wicked and twisted0162 twisted.jpg

She swings her net and catches sailors “aaaaaaaargh”0163 swings

They wander her home forever0164 wander.jpg

“I am cccccold.” – “I miss my familyyyyy”0165 ccold

“I wish I hadn’t drowneded”0166 drownded.jpg

“Hahahahaha” Ran laughs and claps0167 claps.jpg

That is how sick she is0168 sick.jpg

Njord is good; 0169 good.jpghe guides us0170 guides.jpg

This is his home0171 home.jpg

Njardarheimr0172 njard.jpg

He stands now by the sea0173 by sea.jpg

Bless him with mjord and ol0174 ol.jpg

Gudvangen! Njardarheimr!0175 gud

 

Although I wasn’t yet strong enough to face being at Gudvangen this year I was thrilled to be asked by stand-in host Annabelle to allow her to continue my tradition of multi-national stories. So each of the scripts I have published here has been performed in my honour by Annabelle with a gang of pals such as Karin in many languages and dialects simultaneously.

‘How to’ guide:

If you are working with children they can repeat each line altogether after you and act it out; remember, many of the stories from the mythology are quite gruesome.

The multi-national story; you need people who speak different languages (and English) you can also encourage different dialects for a bit more fun. You say each of the lines and one at a time they saying along the row in their own language. It works wonderfully well, it works far better than it should! Prepare to have great fun.

I look forward to be being welcomed back into the fold at Gudvangen next year (or even sooner).

Love

Adrian

OldMan Comics – Cancer Care Capers

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Cancer Care Capers – OldMan #19

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Cancer Care Capers

The man with the two penis cannons tattooed on his calf seems completely at ease in his shorts as we wait.012 censored leg His wife has covered her now fallen hair with a scarf and perhaps used to wear one to cover her embarrassment about her husband but has long grown used to his continued offishness.013 headscarf lady The two sweet old ladies next to him seem comfortable with him.; I can’t quite catch their conversation but it does seem to have an air of reminiscence.014 sweet old ladies

We wait.

Not usually for long, they fit us in shortly after we arrive whether early or late. Especially the ‘by transport’ ones because the unreliable system is out of their control.

Us in patients are given even greater priority, it could be because deaths in the department are bad for publicity in the competitive world of Health Care Provision, it could of course be to save us too much discomfort, but mainly, I think it is because they don’t like looking up our gowns.018 open leg gown 01

Others waiting do look in there; most meet your eye when you arrive, and some want to talk, most though look back down and stare ahead.020 open leg gown 02

Their name is called, they remember it, and hobble exhaustedly towards the radiotherapist; who, smiling, always asks how they are. As the two of them walk away the patient invariably can be heard to say they are fine. They will need helping onto the cold hard platform and will be in bed as soon as they got home but they are fine, ‘Just fine thank you,’022 im fine

Some enjoy the journey home with a fellow passenger in the volunteer’s car who thinks the world would be a lot better if that far-right oddity Nigel Farage were in charge;019 nigel f others don’t enjoy it and are quite upset when they have to share with him.021 rascist 01 in car

One hears the warning bells as soon one hears the phrase, ‘I am not a racist’. If you need to point out that someone is not of the same skin type of you but then explain that, actually, they were quite nice and helpful you might be slightly better than the out and out haters but you are still racist.026 ethnic welcome

So it is with the Farage supporter, it appears that most of his life experiences have been around people very much like him and the most difficult thing to deal with when suddenly quite ill is that he has been thrust into an alien world vastly peopled by people he has only read about in his daily choice of tabloid rag. No, the most difficult thing he has to come to terms with is that these human beings are actually quite nice, no even more than that, they are saving his life.

In a more provincial area travel sharers were treated to a ‘I am a racist and don’t like Darkies’ spiel. 023 villageFrom a very small village travels this potential changer of the world to a small town treatment centre.024 welcome to d

He hasn’t had any experience other than looking round and everyone looks and sounds exactly like him. He is dying, one has to recall this while listening to his plan of hate.017 rascist 02 He is in fact an afraid old man who could leave us at any time. Which, when you remember all this of this, makes you laugh.

At the impossibility of his plan that is; ‘I am a racist if you give me a gun I will kill all the darkies’.031 rascist 02 with gun 02 flippedHe isn’t quite up to the task and even if all of his targets were entirely cooperative it is still too big a job to complete in his short time left.

His grinning enthusiasm ends up being laughable.025 transport bus One person from those bus rides I bumped into felt that his escort was just as racist.029 rascist 02 nephew advises I disagreed, the fact that his brother in law or cousin or nephew or whatever he was has slowly responded that what he had read in the mail (owned by Hitler’s second cousin?) had made an interesting point. They had pointed out that 63% of the population of Manchester was now none white, his point was not a reissue of the tabloid rag’s panic techniques; he had acquired the stats on the population of both Manchester and Britain so had ended up with a final figure of all the ’darkies’ so as to point out what a mammoth task it would be.032 mail

Even if he got people to line up so the bullet went through, as well as taking a long time, he would need approximately 3 waggons to hold the 34 million bullets.033 bullet trucks So therefore, he was agreeing with the rest of us on the transport bus that his frail elderly relative was actually quite laughable.

On this we were all in agreement; ah, unless he was ever given a gun.030 rascist 02 with gun 01

When you get in for your treatment everyone is treated the same – big shots of radioactivity.036 radioctive man

Oh and there is a fallacy about being in hospital that I need to destroy because it is just not true. People explain that I will enjoy it in hospital because I will fall in love with all the nurses.038 nurse 01 This is just not true, there are many designations of staff running my health care, not just nurses; dietitians, radiologists, volunteer visitors, domestic services.037 trio of professionals Many variations.040 nurse 03

I am one of the lucky ones, I haven’t been ill with cancer at all. I have been very ill all year as a result of all the treatments I’ve needed. Health care has made me ill. I think though, that this means I was caught early.043 oldman 01

I went to the doctors and said I thought I had cancer six months before cancer was suspected and was told I didn’t have cancer and was turned away. This is a very weird story which I will tag on further down.

But yes, I was caught early and by chance and this is what has made me lucky, as I have been told all along that they can deal with it and that I will be alright in the end.072 scanner

This has meant that I have been unable to deal with set backs – just the slightest set back and I have a melt down.035 amok 02 I am lucky though.

A lovely man I know passed away during the time I have been ill, possibly in this bed. He managed one month of the eight months he was given.027 conservation man

Another friend is in the tenth month of the eight she was given. She has been positive and practical throughout this time, although she has recently told me she has now had enough of her half-life and feels it is time to go. This woman, who I love dearly, has been a wonderful uplifting support for me.047 taxi ladies taxi

She has forewarned me, listened, joked and made me promise to be positive throughout all her experience.047 taxi ladies ang solo

Even now, in her last days, she is cheering me and working on me.041 get text 01

I am lucky.

We may all go to different places to each other afterwards,069 gods but the journey for every one of us is going to end in the same way. As someone once said, “Not in my lifetime it won’t!”

I dealt with my initial news by meeting my maker. I contemplated dying and re-questioned my beliefs until I was able to decide where I was going.028 oobe This meant I was able to cope with the worst thought and any other developments were a bonus.

I am lucky.

Aunts and second cousins and other loved ones keep in touch and keep me going.049 get text 02

I am lucky.

There are set backs though:

They didn’t cut enough out – it was a minute area of suspect cells and they would give me radiotherapy to be sure.054 surgeon cuts

I had to have radiotherapy, instead of getting better and better I had to plan for a whole month of getting a whole lot worse – I readjusted.044 arrive hospital

It was cancelled. They had detected a cyst.055 xray The fact that I got the call of cancelation at the very time I would have been landing in Bergen to go to a Viking wedding didn’t make things any better046 me new viking – I had to wait for a few weeks until it was known what the cyst was. I adjusted.

Then they put the radiotherapy back on. It was decided that it was highly unlikely the cyst was harmful and it could wait till august to find out – I readjusted; to a whole month of exhaustion but yes I readjusted. I had gone from definitely OK in the end to most likely so.

Then I took ill and have never been in such pain. It seems radiotherapy patients should not drink wine and go dancing.051 dance

I know I have a very good circulatory system (heart and that) and my strong healing powers, but they are not sure what the pains in my spine are.045 ambulance 01 I have adjusted to ‘probably alright’ but it might be quite a lot longer till I know what is going on.

I lied about not falling in love with any nurses, but there are a whole other category of staff – Doctors! – Ooooooooh Doctors.042 dr goody

My niece recalled that back when I was being told that the operation hadn’t been entirely successful I reacted by going, “Oh really doctor, and when do you get off duty?”058 dr date

She also threatens that if she visits she will go to the white board behind my bed which features my name and below it the name of my doctor and add a heart between.053 ado hearts dr

There are many doctors however and it is not always possible to keep track of them all.059 four docs I have been under the care of one in particular for several weeks now. I have trouble knowing her name, but it is Dr Bibby. You know those moments when you embarrass yourself; all alone, blushing and wanting to hide – I came back to my bed from the loo and for the first time noticed that notice: the name of my doctor is Dr Goody. Not Dr Bibby. Dr Goody. Several weeks of ‘Yes Dr Bibby.’ ‘Of course Dr Bibby.’ ‘Whatever you say Dr Bibby.’056 dr goody 03 I realise I have been getting it wrong. Goody not Bibby. Goody not Bibby. The situation has been made worse by said niece because every time I have said, ‘Ooooo Doctor Bibby’ she has gone, ‘Biddy Biddy Biddy’.062 biddy biddy bi

(All names in this blog should have been changed for anominity.)

Now I have no idea what will come out of my mouth when I am seen by her next.

Perhaps she will say, “Ah, Bibby is my first name.”052 dr goody clip board

There have been times when I have been unsure of my own name, (I don’t even recognise myself when I look in the bathroom mirror),070 new me especially post-op when I was on all those drugs. At one point auditory hallucinations created another Adrian, just through the curtain in the next bed.060 voices curtain He and the nurse would talk and the nurse would tell him everything she had just told me.061 adrian two peeps

I was too busy contemplating rotating curtain rails, trees at the foot of my bed (poplars) and the dancing night shirts to be worried about Adrian II for too long.063 hallucinations

I am over it all now and realise it was just the medication and hope Adrian is alright.080 me gown

The nurses were nice though. I have a theory about that. All the time I was in the ‘intensive recovery’ ward the doctors kept telling me that soon as I was well enough I would be going to ward 84. When there was one of those set backs they would say don’t worry you will still get to ward 84.066 angel nurse They think ward 84 is a utopia; they love the nurses there. I told the nurses on my current ward this, it didn’t please them.

In fact I told them the doctors go through to ward 84 and give the staff flowers and chocolates. They do it all the time I said.065 ward 84

It is a good job that my main theory is true; that nurses are nice.039 nurse 02

Well actually my theory isn’t quite that nice. I think the managers go round all the wards and go up to some staff and say, “Ah, you are nice, we are sending you to work in cancer care.” Receptionist, “Nice, off you go.” Caterer, “Nice, off you go.” Nurse, “Nice, off you go.” Nursing Sister, “N – perhaps that is going too far.

But, yes, staff are hand-picked for being nice. Know what that means? Whatever you do, don’t go to any of the other wards.067 nurses not nice

But here I am now, for my chest pains and spine pains,057 grumpy man it has been suggested that the fact that I had decided these pains were definitely secondaries was simply the effect of the current morphine levels. Yes I am still on mor Hermes was a taxi driver who delivered bendy ferrets.074 rampant viking me

My named nurse must be nice, as his first name is Lovemore. As my surname actually means Spendlove we have something in common.

Yes there is a variation which is Spendlove and it means, ‘He who spends his love and money frivolously.’ I don’t know if you think that is fitting for me at all?

Dad sent away for our coat of arms: a rampant lion with three billets sable. All on the dark side;016 rampant 02 I am a randy immoral lion with three illicit affairs going on at any one time.015 rampant 01

So I’ve decided that somewhere out there is someone whose name is Lovemore Spendlove.068 lovemore

We are lucky.

Speaking of dad; he passed away with cancer. So I will tell you the weird thing now. He had a loose rib that clicked when he pressed it and I have always had a loose clicky sternum bone.

Well I used to have. Beginning of last summer it clicked one last time and is now stuck in the out position, it is painful if it is pressed against (it is just the base bit of the sternum, so isn’t noticeable).048 gp me couch

I went to my GP and said I am worried about this painful lump on my chest, “My dad died of cancer and it started with a lump on his chest,” I went on by pointing at the area and explaining my worry, “I think I have cancer here.”071 doc and cross me

He explained that the bone doesn’t move in most people but it is actually loose; in my case it has knitted, “There is nothing to worry about, go home.”073 gp get out

Six months later I was diagnosed with cancer, not of the sternum but of the Oesophagus right behind it.

So, when I had visited my GP and pointed to my chest with a concern that I had cancer there. I was pointing at the exact spot where my cancer was found.

I am not sure who I am, (I am being sent home tomorrow), when the drug feed drip ended last night the display screen said, and I am not making this up, ‘Turns Piggy.’ What sort of medication are they giving me!?075 turns piggy

The porters don’t know who I am and the nurses don’t know what I do.

The porters get my name wrong every time they come for me. Luckily just my first name, so they do manage to find me. They have called out for such as Andrew Spendlow among other variations.050 get text 03 On one occasion they called for Anadrania Spendlow. Where on earth did they get that name from!076 porter for...

One porter said I should say yes I am Greek and I qualify for transport home.078 to greece

I would miss my lined up gigs as a storyteller. If that is what I do for a living, not all the nurses think so.

When I was admitted here from A&E I had to answer all sorts of questions for their form.064 storage nurse Yes they still use paperwork when it all could have been sent from the A&E at the general infirmary at the click of a button. Adrian Spendlow Storyteller YO!!!PL 24/3/54079 dob

One of them returned, she just wanted to check one detail, what I had for my profession. “Why what have you got?” I asked.

“Storage Feller.”077 storage guy

 

 

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Oldman Comic Books #18 – Those Terrible Towers (upsetting content)

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Oldman Comic Books #18 – Those Terrible Towers (upsetting content)

title boxtowerssleeping at night signwhere live

 

equality of care sign

 

 

h&s sign

mps reasons

 

enemy within signprimark

 

high rise in self preservation sign

I am from a town where the houses were just one or two steps up from mud huts, so being in this multi-story hospital causes me to look out across the city in wonder. All I see out there is cladding. This place has it. If I were to look out and see distant burning I would be out of bed and out of the hospital in no time. I keep imagining it spreading from block to block ‘like wild fire’.

read by radical signbaby

 

 

 

Click here to view OldMan 01

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Click here to view the Indoctrination poem

Click here to view Lives of Creatives

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Click here to view OldMan 06 – Back When I Was Abducted

Click here to view OldMan 07 – Pickles from the Polish store

Click here to view OldMan 08 – Socks and Slippers

Click here to view OldMan 09 –  Fame At Last It Beckons

Click here to veiw OldMan 10 – The Battle of Hastings Revisited

Click to view OldMan 11 – This Time It’s Personal

Click to view OldMan 12 – Bob’s Life

Click to view OldMan 13 – Guadeloupe

Click to view OldMan 14 – Magazine Feature

Click to view Terrible Tower of Flame

Click to view    Knock Them Down

Click to view Hobb and the Normans at Cliffords Tower

Click to buy The Guy Fawkes Audio Book

Click here for Viking Comics Inc.’s latest project – The Horned God

Click here for the completed Viking Comics Inc. graphic novel The Hammer Flies

Click here for Viking Comics Inc. graphic novel for older children Oski and the Amulet

Visit Fortean Times

Danger Moose

Navy Blue Knickers